hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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