The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm bleeding and have questions
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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