he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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