He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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