I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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