You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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