You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
