we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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