every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
