Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
