I wish I only lived at night.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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