Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
