How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We don't watch enough power rangers
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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