Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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