Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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