idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
