My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He felt like a one man threesome
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
