What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
