I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
