When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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