Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize