there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
