I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
