1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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