Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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