so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
