Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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