Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize