Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize