So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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