So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
