Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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