I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize