who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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