I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
