I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I wish I only lived at night.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
