This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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