i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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