We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
