She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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