If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
