Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
