i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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