my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
