I wish I could teleport
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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