So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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