I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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