Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I think my nap took me to another dimension
May the power of my ass compel you!!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
