: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
