Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
