I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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