yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
