I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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