Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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