Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
