im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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