The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
