In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
