Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
