Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
