the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
