I CAN MOONWALK!
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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