I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
