okay pat passed out under dana's car
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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