I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize