she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Moan for me like Helen Keller
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
