I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
