no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
