i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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