pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
