All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm gonna fight the coyote
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize