Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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