You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I love you. Go after that dick
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
