Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize