do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
