I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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