I need to stop coming to work sober
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
