why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
