this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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