She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize
