Those balls look pretty dangerous.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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