What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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