Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
