She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
All I want is dick and wine.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
