Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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