Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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