if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
