I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
