I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
