I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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