We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We are two peas in an std pod
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The air taste purple.
Randomize
