They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize