Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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