I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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