And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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