I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
