So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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