And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
