well I can't set my house on fire every night
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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