my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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