I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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