Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
